Minor characters from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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There are many minor characters in the various versions of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams. In fact, defining a major character is rather difficult. If the major characters are those the plot focuses on, they are Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Marvin and Trillian, with the possible inclusion of Slartibartfast, Random Dent and Fenchurch. If they are defined as characters appearing in all the books, they are only Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent. In this case, the definition of major characters will be those in the series with major plot significance not appearing on this list.
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Agrajag
Agrajag is a piteous creature that is continuously reincarnated and subsequently killed unknowingly by Arthur Dent each time. Agrajag first appears in the series as a falling bowl of petunias (although, if the books are read in sequence, the reader doesn't know it at the time). In another incarnation, he was a prehistoric rabbit who was killed by Arthur for breakfast and whose skin was fashioned into a pouch. In yet another, he dies of a heart attack after seeing Arthur and Ford materialize in the midst of a cricket match at Lord's cricket ground while they (Arthur and Ford) were seated on a Chesterfield sofa.
Eventually, Agrajag becomes aware of his many past incarnations and wishes to take revenge on Arthur Dent. He diverts Arthur to the Cathedral of Hate for revenge, but mistakenly does so before the death of one of his incarnations has actually happened. Agrajag tries to kill Arthur anyway, and once again dies at Arthur's hands, but not before setting off the explosives intended to kill Arthur in a massive rockfall. Because of cause and effect and the laws of time and the universe (not to mention dramatic necessity), Arthur escapes the rockfall and goes on to witness the death of Agrajag that hadn't yet happened when he was diverted to the Cathedral of Hate.
Some readers believe Agrajag's character represents the futility of life or the mess that the Universe is in. Series author Douglas Adams had his own ideas about what the character represents, which he may share with us in a way. In the 2004/2005 BBC Radio series for the last three books of Adams' series, Douglas Adams plays Agrajag, having recorded the part for an audiobook version of Life, The Universe and Everything. Producer Dirk Maggs added a suitable voice treatment and Simon Jones as Arthur Dent recorded his lines opposite the pre-recorded Adams.
Adams was thus able to "come back from the dead" to participate in the new series—an irony which his books and the existence of Agrajag himself certainly show that Adams would enjoy.
Appears in:
Allitnils, The
As their names suggest, every Allitnil is an anti-clone of Lintilla (see below). They were created by the cloning company to "revoke" the millions of cloned Lintillas flooding out of a malfunctioning cloning machine. Being anti-clones, when an Allitnil comes into physical contact with a Lintilla, they wink out of existence in a puff of unsmoke.
Along with Poodoo and Varntvar the Priest, three Allitnils arrived on Brontitall to "revoke" the three Lintillas there. Two of the clones eliminate their corresponding Lintillas, but Arthur shoots the third Allitnil, so that one Lintilla survives.
Appearing only in the final episode of the second radio series, every one of the Allitnils are voiced by David Tate.
Arcturan Megafreighter crew
The captain and first officer were the only crew of an Arcturan Megafreighter carrying a larger number of copies of Playbeing magazine than the mind can comfortably conceive. They brought Zaphod Beeblebrox to Ursa Minor Beta, after he had escaped from the Haggunenon flag ship. Zaphod was let on board by the Number One, who was cynical about the Guide's editors becoming soft. He admired the fact that that Zaphod was "hitching the hard way".
They only appear in Fit the Seventh of the radio series, where the captain is played by David Tate, and his number one by Bill Paterson. However, some of their dialogue was given to other characters in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
Colin
Colin is a small melon-sized flying security robot which Ford Prefect enslaves to aid in his escape from the newly re-organized Guide offices in Mostly Harmless. Ford captures Colin by trapping the robot with his towel and re-wiring the robot's pleasure circuits.
Ford uses Colin's cheerfulness to break into the Guide's corporate accounting software in order to write a piece of software that will automatically pay his expense account. Colin also saves Ford's life when the Guide's new security force, Vogons, blow up one of Ford's irreplaceable shoes with a rocket launcher.
Appears in:
In the radio series, he is played by Andrew Secombe.
Deep Thought
Deep Thought is a computer that was created by super-intelligent pandimensional mice to come up with the ultimate answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. When, after seven and a half million years of calculation, the answer finally turns out to be 42, Deep Thought's creators sheepishly realize that they don't know the question.
Deep Thought itself does not know the ultimate question to Life, the Universe and Everything, but offers to design an even more powerful computer (Earth; see Earth in fiction) to calculate it. After ten million years of calculation, the Earth is destroyed by Vogons five minutes before the computation is complete.
Appears in:
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Shown only in a film watched by Arthur Dent and Slartibartfast)
On radio, Deep Thought was voiced by Geoffrey McGivern. On television and in the LP re-recording of the radio series, he was voiced by Valentine Dyall. In the feature film Deep Thought's voice was provided by actress Helen Mirren.
In the film of Hitchhiker's Guide it appears as a large gold computer that likes to watch television.
The name Deep Thought is likely intended as a parody on the movie Deep Throat.
IBM's chess-playing computer Deep Thought was named in honour of this fictional computer.
Dish of the Day
The quadruped Dish of the Day is an Ameglian Major Cow, a species of dairy animal specifically bred to not only have the desire to be eaten, but to be capable of saying so quite clearly and distinctly. This quite vocal and emphatic desire to be consumed by Milliways' patrons greatly distresses Arthur Dent, and the Dish is nonplussed by a queasy Arthur's subsequent order of a green salad, since he knows "many vegetables that are very clear" on the point of not wanting to be eaten — which was part of the reason for the creation of the Ameglian Major Cow in the first place. After Zaphod orders four rare steaks, the Dish announces that he is nipping off to the kitchen to shoot himself, comforting Arthur only very slightly by stating that "I'll be very humane."
Appears in:
The character is not present in the radio series. The first appearance of him was in a stage adaption in 1980 at the Rainbow Theatre. Since then he appeared in the second novel, and the television series. In the TV series, in which he was played by Peter Davison, who was at that time Sandra Dickinson's husband. Sandra Dickinson played Trillian in the television series, and suggested casting Davison as a last-minute replacement for another actor.
Eccentrica Gallumbits
Known as "The Triple-Breasted Whore Of Eroticon Six", Eccentrica Gallumbits is first mentioned in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy during a newscast that Zaphod Beeblebrox tunes into shortly after stealing the spaceship Heart of Gold. The newsreader quotes Eccentrica describing Zaphod as "The best bang since the Big one". It was reported in Fit the Ninth of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series that Zaphod had delivered a Presidential address from her bedroom on at least one occasion. The entry for the Earth is under that of Eccentrica Gallumbits.
Pears Gallumbits, a dessert which has several things in common with her, is available at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
Some people say her erogenous zones start some four miles from her actual body. Ford Prefect disagrees, saying five.
Never actually appears in the series, but is mentioned in:
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
- Life, the Universe, and Everything
- So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
- Mostly Harmless
In homage to the series, the film Total Recall features a triple-breasted prostitute.
Eddie
Eddie is the shipboard computer on the starship Heart of Gold. He came from the factory equipped with an over-excitable, over-enthused, extremely irritating personality. At one point his alternate personality is accessed, but the new one (a coddling, school matronly sort) is apparently even worse. His logic circuits can be accessed by the other Sirius Cybernetics Corporation machines that apparently came standard with the Heart of Gold, thus ensuring that the entire ship can be effectively crippled if someone tries to explain why they like tea to the Nutrimatic Drink Dispenser.
On some occasions when certain destruction seems quite imminent, Eddie will sing "You'll Never Walk Alone".
Appears in:
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
- Life, the Universe and Everything
He is voiced in the first two radio series and on television by David Tate. In the third radio series, he is voiced by Roger Gregg and in the film by Thomas Lennon.
Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley is a real-life singer, who died in 1977. It has been popularly suggested that he has been abducted by aliens.
In the book Mostly Harmless, Elvis is discovered by Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent working as a bar singer on an alien planet, and owning a large pink spaceship.
In the radio adaption of Mostly Harmless, the The Quintessential Phase, it has been indicated that in the alterante Earth that is the focus of the story, Elvis never died, and there is mention of an album "Elvis sings Oasis (band)". He appears in Fit the Twenty-Sixth, voiced by Phil Pope.
Fenchurch
Fenchurch is Arthur Dent's soulmate and a character found in the fourth book of the Hitchhiker "trilogy", So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish. She was named after Fenchurch Street railway station, not because it was where she was born, but because, according to her parents, she was conceived in the ticket queue there. Although the reader does not realise it, if the five books are read in order, we are introduced to the character of Fenchurch at the very beginning of the first book as the girl in the café who realises how to change the world for the better. (She is then obliterated along with the rest of Earth before she has the chance to tell anyone.)
By the time of the fourth book, the dolphins have intervened and restored the Earth and everyone on it – including Fenchurch – allowing a romantic relationship to bloom between her and Arthur Dent, which includes him teaching her how to fly, and a subsequent implied aerial sexual encounter.
At the beginning of the fifth book, she vanishes abruptly during a hyperspace jump on their first intergalactic holiday. Douglas Adams later claimed that he wanted rid of the character as she was getting in the way of the story. Much of this is evident from the self-referential prose surrounding Arthur and Fenchurch's relationship.
In the radio adaption of So Long and Thanks For All the Fish Fenchurch is played by actress Jane Horrocks.
Appears in:
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (unnamed cameo)
- So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
- Mostly Harmless (only mentioned in passing)
Frankie and Benjy mouse
Frankie and Benjy are the mice that Arthur (et al.) encounter on Magrathea. Frankie and Benjy wish to extract the final readout data from Arthur's brain to get the ultimate question to Life, the Universe, and Everything. Frankie and Benjy are, after all, part of the pan-dimensional race that created the Earth as a supercomputer successor to Deep Thought in order to find out the question to which the answer was 42.
In the first version, the radio series, they offered Arthur and Trillian a large amount of money if they could tell them what the Question is. In later versions this was changed - unfortunately for Arthur, they claim only way to do this is to remove his brain and prepare it, apparently by dicing it. They promise to replace it with a simple computer brain, which, suggested Zaphod, would only have to say things like "What?", and, "Can I have a cup of tea?". Arthur objects to this, and escapes with the help of his friends.
In the movie, they are in fact the manifestations of Lunkwill and Fook, the pan-dimensional beings who designed and built Deep Thought, and were squashed flat by Arthur Dent when they attempted to treat his brain.
Appear in:
On radio, David Tate played Benjy Mouse and Peter Hawkins Frankie Mouse. They appeared in Fit the Fourth. They also appeared in Episode Four of the TV series, where they were played by David Tate and Stephen Moore.
Gag Halfrunt
In the series, Gag Halfrunt is the private brain care specialist of Zaphod Beeblebrox, and is not a major character in terms of the amount of dialogue or prominence he gets. However, he is major in the sense that the entire plot loosely revolves around him (at least in the radio series version of HHGG). This may be in part due to the fact that large parts of the series were made up by Adams as he went along, and some of the plot developments and explanations were more a way to tie up some of the glaring loose ends than part of a predetermined master plan.
In the story, Zaphod and Gag Halfrunt (as leader of a group of psychiatrists) are in cahoots to discover who or what is really running the universe. Because the Earth is really a giant computer built to determine the very same thing, the psychiatrists cannot afford to have the Ultimate Question revealed, because this would put them out of a job (on the rather weak premise that if the Question becomes known, everyone would suddenly start leading happy and productive lives, rendering shrinks unnecessary). Therefore they hire the Vogons to destroy the Earth to prevent the Ultimate Question being discovered. Later the Vogons also try (under Gag's direction) to destroy the starship Heart of Gold because it is carrying Arthur Dent, who may have the Question buried in his brain somewhere. All of this is unknown to Zaphod because he has brainwashed himself to forget about the collusion (though again this seems to be more of a device to explain why it only becomes clear towards the end of the second series and hasn't been mentioned before). In the end Zaphod "remembers" and does, in fact, find The Ruler of the Universe.
Appears in:
On radio, he was voiced by Stephen Moore, and appears in Fits the Second, Seventh and Ninth.
On television, he was played by Gil Morris and in the film he is played by Jason Schwartzman. In both these versions he only appears briefly, being interviewed about Zaphod Beeblebrox, and the plot involving the ruler of the Universe does not appear.
Gail Andrews
In Mostly Harmless, Gail Andrews is an astrologer who is interviewed by Tricia McMillan about the impact that the discovery of the planet Persephone, or Rupert will have on astrology. She is an advisor to the President of the United States, President Hudson, but denies having recommended the bombing of Damascus.
In the radio series, she appears in Fit the Twenty-Third, and is voiced by Lorelei King.
Gargravarr
Gargravarr is a disembodied mind who is the Custodian of the Total Perspective Vortex. Gargravarr is currently undergoing a period of legal trial separation with his body, who will probably get granted the custody of Gargravarr's forename, Pizpot.
Appears in:
Gargravarr was voiced on radio by Valentine Dyall - he appears in Fit the Eighth.
Garkbit
Garkbit is a waiter at Milliways, also known as "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe". He has quite likely been employed there for some time, since he is unfazed by Arthur, Ford, Zaphod, and Trillian's confusion as to their location after their abrupt arrival at Milliways, and his casual statement that the Universe "will explode later for your pleasure." (Prompting a still-confused Ford's reaction: "Wow, what sort of drinks do you serve in the place?" to which the reply is "Ha ha. I think sir must have misunderstood." Ford replies, "Oh, I hope not.") Alternatively, he may simply have a very dry sense of humor, since when Arthur asks, somewhat rhetorically, if they aren't dead, Garkbit replies that "Sir is most evidently alive, otherwise I would not attempt to serve sir."
Appears in:
In the radio series Garkbit is played by Anthony Sharp, and appears in Fit the Fifth. In the television series, he is portrayed by Jack May and appears in Episode Five.
Golgafrinchans
The Golgafrinchams all appear in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. On radio they appear in Fit the Sixth, and in the television series, in Episode Six.
Agda and Mella
Agda and Mella are Golgafrinchan girls that Arthur and Ford hit on. On Golgafrincham, Agda used to be a junior personnel officer and Mella an art director. Agda is taller and slimmer and Mella shorter and round-faced. Mella and Arthur became a couple, as did Agda and Ford.
Captain
The Captain is the captain of the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. He likes to bathe with his rubber duck (he spent practically the entire time he was captain of the B Ark and as much of his time on Earth as has been documented in the bath) and has got a very relaxed attitude towards everything. The Captain also has a fondness for jynnan tonnyx. His personality was based on Douglas Adams' habit of taking extraordinarily long baths as a method of procrastination to avoid writing.
On radio, he was voiced by David Jason. On television, it was Aubrey Morris.
Hairdresser
One of the Golgafrinchans on the prehistoric Earth, the hairdresser was put in charge of the fire development sub-committee. They gave him a couple of sticks to rub together, but he made them into a pair of curling tongs instead.
He was played by Aubrey Woods on radio and David Rowlands on television.
Management consultant
The Golgafrinchans' management consultant tried to arrange the meetings of the colonization committee along the lines of a traditional committee structure, complete with a chair and an agenda. He was also in charge of fiscal policy, and decided to adopt the leaf as legal tender, making everyone immensely rich. In order to solve the inflation problem this caused, he planned a major deforestation campaign to effectively revalue the leaf by burning down all the forests.
He was played on radio by Jonathan Cecil and on television by Jon Glover.
Marketing girl
Another Golgagfrinchan on prehistoric Earth, the marketing girl assisted the hairdresser's fire development sub-committee in researching what consumers want from fire and how they relate to it. She also tried to invent the wheel, but had a little difficulty deciding what colour it should be.
She was played by Beth Porter on both radio and television.
Number One
Number One is an officer in the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. Not the brightest person around, but all in all nice and good officer material. On radio, he was voiced by by Jonathan Cecil. On television, he was played by Matthew Scurfield.
Number Two
Number Two is a militaristic officer in the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. He captures Arthur and Ford and interrogates them. When they land to Earth, Number Two declares a war on another, uninhabited continent. Likes shouting a lot and thinks the Captain is an idiot.
On radio, he is played by Aubrey Woods. On television, he is David Neville, although some of his lines were given to a new character: Number Three played by Geoffrey Beevers.
Telephone Sanitizer
The telephone sanitizer is a profession involved in the Golgafrincham plot thread in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
The Golgafrinchams sent their Telephone Sanitizer population away, along with the rest of the useless third of their population to form a colony on another planet (Earth as it happens). Interestingly, the remaining Golgafrinchan population was then wiped out by a disease contracted via dirty telephones.
Grunthos the Flatulent
Grunthos the Flatulent was the poetmaster of the Azgoths of Kria, writers of the second worst poetry in the universe, coming between the third, the Vogons, and the first, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone (in the radio series) or Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings (in the other versions).
The guide recites a tale of how, during a reading of his poem "'", he managed to kill four of his audience with the poem, while another member only survived by gnawing his own leg off.
Reportedly "disappointed" by the reception of his poem, Grunthos then prepared to read his 12-book epic, My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles (or Zen And The Art Of Going To The Lavatory in the TV series). He was prevented from doing so by being killed when his small intestine lept up his neck and throttled his brain.
Excerpt from "Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning", taken from the TV series:
- Putty. Putty. Putty.
- Green Putty - Grutty Peen.
- Grarmpitutty - Morning!
- Pridsummer - Grorning Utty!
- Discovery..... Oh.
- Putty?..... Armpit?
- Armpit..... Putty.
- Not even a particularly
- Nice shade of green.
Excerpt from "Zen And The Art Of Going To The Lavatory", also taken from the TV series
- Relax mind
- Relax body
- Relax bowels
- Relax.
- Do not fall over.
- You are a cloud.
- You are raining.
- Do not rain
- While train
- Is standing at a station.
- Move with the wind.
- Apologise where necessary.
Appears in:
Hactar
Hactar was the first computer in which its individual parts reflected the pattern of the whole, much like an organic brain, allowing it to be much more flexible and imaginative. Hactar is first mentioned in connection with the Silastic Armorfiends, a violent and warlike race. At one point, the Silastic Armorfiends ask Hactar to design the "Ultimate Weapon", which resulted in a bomb that would connect every major sun in the universe through a hyperspace junction, causing every star to go supernova. Hactar is shocked – thereby becoming the first computer ever to be shocked. Hactar builds the supernova bomb, but deliberately includes a small defect in it. When the Armorfiends find out, they are so incensed that they pulverize Hactar (then go on to find new ways to pulverize each other).
However, because each pulverized bit of Hactar contains the pattern of the whole, he is eventually able to pull himself together in the form of a debris cloud surrounding Krikkit. Hactar eventually decides to use what little influence he has, over æons, to make up for his insubordination. He creates a new client by isolating the inhabitants of Krikkit, making them think they are the only living creatures in the universe. Upon discovering the rest of the universe, they cannot comprehend it, and their view of the world demands that they destroy it. Hactar slips them the design for his ultimate weapon, but they build it incorrectly. After an incredibly long and bloody galactic war, Judiciary Pag banishes Krikkit to an envelope of "Slo-Time" to be released after the rest of the universe ends. Cut off from Hactar's influence, they lose interest in his xenophobic (and suicidal) project. But Hactar has managed to build a presumably functional bomb (in the shape of a cricket ball), and slips it to Arthur before being dissipated. Arthur accidentally saves the Universe again by being an abysmally poor cricket bowler.
Appears in:
He is played on radio by Leslie Phillips, and appears in Fit the Eighteenth.
Hig Hurtenflurst
Hig Hurtenflurst is a rising young executive in the Dolmansaxlil Shoe Corporation. During Fit the Eleventh, he is on Brontitall. What he is doing there is something of a mystery, as the Shoe Event Horizon was reached long ago and the survivors of the famine have long since evolved into bird people and set up home inside a fifteen-mile high statue of Arthur Dent. His foot-warriors capture Arthur Dent and three Lintilla clones. He then proceeds to show them a film about the activities of the Dolmansaxlil Shoe Corporation, which is rudely interrupted by Marvin, who has cut the power in order to rescue Arthur and the Lintillas.
He appeared in Fit the Eleventh of the original radio series, and was played by Marc Smith. He has not appeared in any versions after this.
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Hotblack Desiato
Hotblack Desiato is the ajuitar keyboard player of the rock group Disaster Area, claimed to be the loudest band in the universe, and in fact the loudest sound of any kind, anywhere. So loud is this band that the audience usually listens from the safe distance of sixty two miles away in a well built bunker. Disaster Area's lavish performances went so far as to crash a space ship into the sun to create a solar flare. Pink Floyd's lavish stage shows were the inspiration for Disaster Area. At the time when the main characters meet him, in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Hotblack is spending a year dead "for tax reasons" though he is still able to interact with objects around him, psychically. The character is named after an estate agency (http://www.hotblackdesiato.co.uk) based in Islington, with branches throughout North London; Adams said he was struggling to find concoct a name for the character and, spotting a Hotblack Desiato sign, liked the name so much he "nearly crashed the car" and eventually telephoned to ask permission to use the firm's name for a character. Ironically, the firm's staff later received phone calls telling them they had a nerve naming their company after Adams's character.
The Disaster Area sub-plot was first seen in the The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy #LP album adaptions and later in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It replaces the Haggunenon material from the Fit the Sixth in the radio series. The character appears in Episode Five, and his ship in Episode Six of the TV series. He does not have any lines, and is played by Barry Frank Warren.
Humma Kavula
Humma Kavula is a semi-insane missionary living amongst the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle VI, and a former space pirate. He seems to be a religious leader on that planet, preaching about the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief. (See Jatravartids).
He also ran against Zaphod Beeblebrox in the campaign for President of the Galaxy with the campaign slogan "Don't Vote For Stupid", but lost anyways. In the film he is seeking the Point-Of-View Gun to further his religion's acceptance.
Appears in:
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie, played by John Malkovich.
Hurling Frootmig
Hurling Frootmig is said to be the founder of the Hitchhiker's Guide, who established its fundamental principles of honesty and idealism, and went bust. Later, after much soul-searching, he reestablished the Guide with it's principles of honesty and idealism and where you could stuff them, and went on to lead the Guide to its first major commercial success.
He is mentioned in Life, the Universe and Everything. He did not make the Tertiary Phase of the radio series, but was mentioned in Fit the Twenty-Fourth of the Quintessential Phase.
Judiciary Pag
His High Judgmental Supremacy, Judiciary Pag, L.I.V.R. (the Learned, Impartial, and Very Relaxed) was the Chairman of the Board of Judges at the Krikkit War Crimes Trial. He privately called himself Zipo Bibrok 5×108. This probably means he was an ancestor of Zaphod Beeblebrox, because due to "an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine" (according to Zaphod), Zaphod's father is "Zaphod Beeblebrox the Second", Zaphod's grandfather is "Zaphod Beeblebrox the Third", and so forth, so Zipo Bibrok 5×108 is probably the 500 millionth male-line ancestor of Zaphod Beeblebrox. Not only is "Zipo Bibrok" very similar to "Zaphod Beeblebrox", particularly considering the billions of years before Zaphod was to be born, during which time language would evolve greatly, but Judiciary Pag's mannerisms are similar to Zaphod's.
It was Judiciary Pag's idea that the people of Krikkit be permanently sealed in a Slo-Time envelope, and the seal could only be broken by bringing a special Key to the Lock. When the rest of the universe had ended, the seal would be broken and Krikkit could continue a solitary existence in the universe. This judgement seemed to please everybody except the people of Krikkit themselves, but the only alternative was to face annihilation.
Appears in:
He is played on radio by Rupert Degas, and appears in Fit the Fifteenth.
Mrs Kapelsen
An old woman from Boston who sees Athur and Fenchurch flying outside the aeroplane which she is flying to Heathrow in. She annoys the pilot by continually pressing her call button for reasons such as "the child in front was making milk come out of his nose".
Appears in:
Kwaltz
Kwaltz is one of the Vogons on Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz's ship during the demolition of Earth.
Appears in:
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie, voiced by Ian McNeice.
Lady Cynthia Fitzmelton
Lady Cynthia Fitzmelton is a member of the aristocracy, and fond of the phrase "splendid and worthwhile". She is responsible for christening the bulldozer which knocks Arthur Dent's house down, and for giving a speech immediately beforehand.
She only appears in Fit the First of the radio series, where she was voiced by Jo Kendall. Her lines were entirely dropped from later versions.
Lintilla
Lintilla is a rather unfortunate woman who has (as of Fit the Eleventh) been cloned 578,000,000,000 times due to an accident at a Brantisvogan escort agency. While creating six clones of a wonderfully talented and attractive woman named Lintilla (at the same time another machine was creating five hundred lonely business executives, in order to keep the laws of supply and demand operating profitably), the machine got stuck in a loop and malfunctioned in such a way that it got halfway through completing each new Lintilla before it had finished the previous one. This meant that it was for a very long while impossible to turn the machine off without committing murder, despite lawyers' best efforts to argue about what murder actually was, including trying to re-define it, re-spell it and re-pronounce it, the net result of which was to end up with the word "killed" being spelled "killed" but pronounced "revoked" (by Hig Hurtenflurst, at least).
Arthur Dent encounters three of her on the planet of Brontitall, and takes a liking to (at least) one of them. He kills the male anti-clone, Allitnil, sent by the cloning company to "revoke" her (although the other two of her aren't so lucky). When Arthur leaves Zaphod, Ford, and Zarniwoop stranded with the Ruler of the Universe and his cat, he takes Lintilla with him aboard the Heart of Gold.
All Lintillas were played by the same (non-cloned) actress: Rula Lenska. She appeared only in the final three episodes of the original radio series. She does not appear in the new radio series - one of many inconsistencies with the original show. (One must however remember that in all cases of discrepancy between versions of The Hitchhiker's Guide it is always the Universe that is at fault.) Rula Lenska has, however, been reported to be "semi-reprising" her role in the two final radio series - she plays the Voice of the Bird (the new version of the Guide introduced in Mostly Harmless). Zaphod has noted the new book has the same voice as Lintilla.
Lord, The
The Lord is a cat, owned by the Ruler of the Universe.
Appears in:
Lunkwill and Fook
Lunkwill and Fook are the two programmers chosen to make the great question to Deep Thought on the day of the Great On-Turning.
Appears in:
On TV, Antony Carrick plays Lunkwill and Timothy Davies plays Fook, and they appear in Episode Four.
On radio, the characters are just called First computer programmer and Second computer programmer, and appear in Fit the Fourth, and are played by Ray Hassett and Jeremy Browne respectively.
In the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie they are merged with the characters of #Franky and Benji mouse. Jack Stanley plays Lunkwill and Dominique Jackson plays Fook.
Majikthise and Vroomfondel
Majikthise and Vroomfondel are philosophers (though, since they insist on rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty, they may not be). They make their appearance as representatives of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries and other Professional Thinking Persons (AUPSLPTP) in order to protest against a computer, Deep Thought, being invoked to determine the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. In a contemporary, satirical, reference to the industrial relations problems that culminated in the Winter of Discontent, they maintain that the search for ultimate truth is the inalienable prerogative of your working thinkers. Since that time, chess players objecting to competition with computers have been compared with AUPLSPTP activists, for example by Raymond Keene.
Appear in:
On radio, Majikthise was played by Jonathan Adams and Vroomfondel was played by Jim Broadbent. In the television series (but not on The Big Read), David Leland played Majikthise and Charles McKeown played Vroomfondel.
They were omitted from the movie version.
Max Quordlepleen
Max Quordlepleen is an entertainer. He hosts the entertainment at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe and the Big Bang Burger Bar (which was known as the Big Bang Burger Chef in the radio series.) His feelings about the Universe outside of his onstage persona are unclear, but his repeated witnessing of both its beginning and end must have a large effect on them to be sure.
Appears in:
On radio, Roy Hudd played him. On television, it was Colin Jeavons.
He is due to re-appear in the Quintessential Phase of the radio series, played by Roy Hudd again.
Murray Bost Henson
Murray Bost Henson is "a journalist from one of those papers with small pages and big print" as Arthur Dent aptly puts it. He is a friend of Arthur's who Arthur phones one day to find out how he can get in touch with Wonko the Sane.
He is played by Stephen Fry.
Old Thrashbarg
Old Thrashbarg first appears in the book Mostly Harmless, as a sort of priest on Lamuella, the planet that Arthur becomes Sandwich-Maker on. He worships "Bob" and is often ignored by his villagers.
In the Quintessential Phase of the radio series he is voiced by Griff Rhys Jones.
Oolon Colluphid
Oolon Colluphid is the author of several books on religious and other philosophical topics. Colluphid's works include:
- Where God Went Wrong
- Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes
- Who Is This God Person Anyway?
- Well That About Wraps It Up for God
- Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Guilt But Have Been Too Ashamed To Find Out
- Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Sex But Have Been Forced To Find Out
Colluphid is also shown as the author of the book The Origins of the Universe in the first part of the Destiny of the Daleks serial of Doctor Who. The titular Doctor scoffs that he "got it wrong on the first line." The reference was inserted by Douglas Adams, who was at the time working as the show's script editor.
Poodoo
Poodoo is a representative of the cloning company responsible for all the Lintilla clones. He arrives on Brontitall with Varntvar the priest on a mission to "revoke" the three Lintillas there by marrying them to each their anti-clones, each of which is named Allitnil. The marriage certificates are actually forms that make the signers agree to terminate their existence.
After two of the newly-married couples disappear in unsmoke, Arthur shoots the third Allitnil and after tying up Poodoo and Varntvar, he forces them to listen to a tape of Marvin's autobiography.
He only appears in Fit the Twelfth of the radio series, in which he is played by Ken Campbell.
Prak
Prak was a witness in a trial on Argabuthon. What the case was is not known, but it is unimportant. The white robots of Krikkit broke into the court room to steal the Argabuthon Sceptre of Justice, as it was part of the Wikkit Gate Key. In so doing they may have jogged a surgeon's arm, while the surgeon was injecting Prak with truth serum, resulting in too high a dose. When the trial resumed, Prak was instructed to tell "the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth", which, due to the overdose, he did. People at the scene had to flee or risk insanity as Prak told every single bit of the entire truth, much of which they found ghastly. Prak recalled that many of the weird bits involved frogs or Arthur Dent. As a result, when Arthur Dent came to visit him in search of the truth, he nearly died laughing. He never did write down anything he discovered while telling the truth, first because he could not find a pencil and then because he could not be bothered. He has therefore forgotten almost all of it, but did recall the address of God's Last Message to His Creation, which he gave to Arthur when the laughter subsided. He died afterward, not having recovered from his laughing fit.
Appears in:
On radio he appears in Fit the Eighteenth and is voiced by Chris Langham, who had played Arthur Dent in a theatrical version of the first stories.
Mr. Prosser
Mr. L. Prosser is a somewhat nervous but nevertheless perfectly reasonable motorways contractor who perfectly reasonably would like to do his job: building a bypass right through Arthur Dent's house. Very little is known about the man except for his predilection for little fur hats, his marital status (married), a desire to live in a small cottage with axes above the door (although Mrs. Prosser would prefer climbing roses), a direct patrilineal descent from Genghis Khan, and occasional visions of Mongol hordes, which were a result of his nomadic ancestry. He unfailingly addresses Arthur as "Mr. Dent."
After some negotiation (with Ford Prefect in the novel and the television series, but by Mr. Dent in the radio series) he is temporarily convinced to take Mr. Dent's place blocking the bulldozer threatening his (Mr. Dent's) house whilst Mr. Dent and Ford nip down to the local pub. While they are away, he quickly resumes the demolition of Mr. Dent's house despite the earlier agreement (indicating that neither Ford nor Mr. Dent were notaries), but is once again interrupted, for good this time, by the Vogon demolition of Earth.
Prosser holds the distinction of having the very first line of dialogue ever in the Hitchhiker's Guide canon, as he is the first character (not counting The Guide itself) to speak in Fit the First of the original series.
Appears in:
On radio, he was played by Bill Wallis and appears in Fit the First. On television, he appears in Episone One, played by Joe Melia. He is played by Steve Pemberton in the movie version. He appears in Fit the Twenty-Sixth in the fifth radio series, despite not appearing in the book Mostly Harmless, voiced by Bruce Hyman.
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
The Vogon Captain in charge of overseeing the destruction of the Earth, Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz is sadistic, even by Vogon standards. When not shouting at or executing members of his own crew for insubordination, Jeltz enjoys torturing hitchhikers on board his ship by reading his poetry at them, then having them thrown out of an airlock into open space.
Physically, Jeltz is described as being unpleasant to look at, even for other Vogons. Given that Ford Prefect describes Vogons as having "as much sex appeal as a road accident," one can only imagine how much worse Jeltz must appear. This may explain his disposition.
It is revealed in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe that Jeltz had been hired by Gag Halfrunt to destroy the Earth. Halfrunt had been acting on behalf of a consortium of psychiatrists and the Imperial Galactic Government in order to prevent the discovery of the Ultimate Question. When Halfrunt learns that Arthur Dent escaped the planet's destruction, Jeltz is dispatched to track him down and destroy him. Jeltz is unable to complete this task, due to the intervention of Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth, Zaphod's grandfather.
In Mostly Harmless, Jeltz is once again responsible for the destruction of the Earth, this time assumably killing Arthur, Ford, Trillian, and Arthur's daughter, Random.
"Prostetnic Vogon" may be a title, rather than part of his name, since during the second episode of the third radio series (Fit the Fourteenth), two other Prostetnic Vogons are heard from.
Appears in:
In the first radio series, he was played by Bill Wallis. On television, it was Martin Benson. In the third radio series, the voice is uncredited, but the actor would appear to be Toby Longworth, who is credited as Jeltz in The Quandary Phase. In the film, he is voiced by Richard Griffiths.
Questular Rontok
Questular Rontok is the Vice President of the Galaxy. She is desperately in love/lust with Zaphod Beeblebrox, the fugitive President of the Galaxy, and he knows it - and she unsuccessfully tries to hide it. Throughout the feature film, Questular alternately tries to arrest Zaphod for stealing the Heart Of Gold (even enlisting the help of the Vogons) and protects his life (when endangered by, say, Vogon blaster fire), and at one point beseeches him to just give the stolen spaceship up. Questular appears to be the "doer", performing all the real functions of the Presidency, whilst Zaphod just... does what Zaphod does best - flash and dash. After Trillian repeatedly zaps Zaphod with the Point-of-view gun and he learns that she is truly in love with Arthur Dent and not him, he and Questular end up together at the end of the film. Questular is also severely jealous of Trillian for obvious reasons, until Trillian and Zaphod part as lovers.
Appears in:
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie, played by Anna Chancellor.
Random Dent
A disillusioned teenager and the in-vitro progeny of Arthur Dent and Tricia McMillan, Random Frequent Flyer Dent is left in her father's care by her mother during the narrative of Mostly Harmless. She befriends the new, extremely sinister version of the Hitchhiker's Guide, in its guise as a Poe-reminiscent black bird. Apparently inheriting her father's chaotic influence on the universe, she becomes indirectly responsible for the destruction of all possible Earths.
Appears in:
In the final radio series, The Quintessential Phase adapted from Mostly Harmless, she is played by Samantha Béart (formerly known as Sam Burke).
- Early in Mostly Harmless, Random's father, Arthur, travels from planet to planet by donating to "DNA banks". At first he donates hair, nail clippings, and the like, but he finds that for semen, he can travel first class. This is both Random's origin (Trillian originally thought the donor was anonymous before realizing who the only other remaining human in the Universe was) and most likely the reason for her middle names.
Rob McKenna
Rob McKenna is a man who can never get away from rain and he has a diary to prove it. In fact he gets rained on so much that he has 231 types of rain written down on a little book. Rob McKenna is, despite not knowing it, a Rain God who is cherished by the clouds. Arthur suggests that he could show the diary to someone, which Rob does, making him a media sensation. After the publicity McKenna assumes a lucrative job of not traveling to cities for money.
Appears in:
In the radio series, he appears in Fits the Nineteenth, Fits the Twentieth and Fits the Twenty-First and is played by Bill Paterson, who also played one of the Arcturan Megafreighter crew in Fit the Seventh.
Roosta
Roosta is a hitch-hiker and researcher for the Guide, whom Ford Prefect knows, at least in passing. He carries a special towel with nutrients in one end and barbeque sauce in the other, which can be obtained by sucking the towel (the barbeque sauce is for when Roosta gets sick of the nutrients). He saves Zaphod Beeblebrox from a horrible death in the offices of the Hitchhiker's Guide (by taking him into the artificial universe in Zarniwoop's office), and is then kidnapped along with Zaphod and the left-hand tower of the Guide building by a squadron of Frogstar Fighters. In the radio series, he serves no other purpose than to provide conversation while the pair are travelling to the Frogstar: however, in the books, he tells Zaphod Beeblebrox to climb out of the window onto the surface of Frogstar World B: this ensures Zaphod remains in Zarniwoop's universe and can survive the Total Perspective Vortex.
Appears in:
On radio, he was voiced by Alan Ford.
Ruler of the Universe, The
The Ruler of the Universe is a man living in a small shack on a world that can only be reached with the use of an Infinite Improbability Drive. He does not want to rule the universe and tries not to whenever possible, and therefore is by far the ideal candidate for the job. He has an odd view of reality: he lives alone with his cat, which he has named "The Lord", he has a very dim view of the past, and he only believes in what he sees with his eyes and ears: anything else is hearsay. He has been known to talk to his table for a week to see how it reacts.
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He was voiced on radio by Stephen Moore (in the original Radio Times listing he was announced as being played by Ron Hate - an anagram of "A.N.Other" - because the show was so far behind schedule that the role had not been cast when the magazine went to print).
Russell
Russell is Fenchurch's burly, blonde-mustached, blow-dried brother. He picks up Arthur Dent in his car after he arrived on Earth at the beginning of the fourth book. Arthur and Russell take an instant dislike to each other but this is also the first time he meets Fenchurch, his lover and co-flyer to be - albeit she is asleep or in a comatose/fugue state and only utters one word - "This" - then lapses back into wherever she is. Fenchurch also doesn't like Russell - he calls her "Fenny" which she dislikes intensely.
He first appeared in the book So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, and when this was adapted to radio appears in Fit the Nineteenth, where he is played by Rupert Degas.
Shooty and Bang Bang
Shooty and Bang Bang are Galactic policemen. They pursue Zaphod Beeblebrox to the planet of Magrathea, whereupon they proceed to shoot at him. In the radio and television series, this results in a large computer exploding and throwing Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect and Zaphod forwards in time to the Restauraunt at the End of the Universe. In the books, Arthur, Ford and Zaphod are saved from certain death when Marvin talks to the cops' spaceship, which subsequently becomes so depressed it commits suicide, disabling the cops' life support units and rendering them unable to breathe.
Bang Bang and Shooty appear in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Bang Bang was played on radio by Ray Hassett and on television by Marc Smith. Shooty was played on radio by Jim Broadbent and on television by Matt Zimmerman.
In the Illustrated Guide to the Galaxy, the pair are played by Douglas Adams and Ed Victor (his literary agent).
Slartibartfast
Slartibartfast is a Magrathean, and a designer of planets. His favorite part of the job was creating coastlines. The most notable of his designs were the fjords found on the coast of Norway on planet Earth. Slartibartfast won an award for this coastal designwork. When Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect were on ancient Earth, they saw Slartibartfast's signature deep inside a glacier in ancient Norway.
When Earth Mk. II was being made, Slartibartfast was assigned to the continent of Africa. He was unhappy about this, because he wanted to make more fjords, and fjords in Africa would be hard for him to explain without natural glacial movement.
In the event, the new Earth was not required and, much to Slartibartfast's disgust, its owners suggested that he take a quick skiing holiday on his glaciers before dismantling them.
In Life, the Universe, and Everything Slartibartfast has joined the Campaign for Real Time (or CamTim which the volunteers casually refer to it as) which tries to preserve events as they happened before time travelling was invented. He picks up Arthur and Ford from the Lord's Cricket Ground with his Starship Bistromath, after which they head out to stop the robots of Krikkit from bringing together the pieces of the Wikkit Gate.
Douglas Adams writes in the notes accompanying the published volume of original radio scripts that he wanted Slartibartfast's name to sound very rude, but still actually broadcastable. He therefore started with the name "Phartiphukborlz", and changed bits of it until it would be acceptable to the BBC. He came closer to achieving this aim the following episode, with the double-act Vroomfondel and Majikthise. He adds to this statement in "Don't Panic: The Official Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Companion", an analysis by Neil Gaiman.
- "...One thing I don't think I explained in the script book was that I was also teasing the typist, Geoffrey's (Perkins) secretary, because ... she'd be typing out this long and extraordinary name which would be quite an effort to type and right at the beginning he says 'My name is not important, and I'm not going to tell you what it is'. I was just being mean to Geoffrey's secretary."
Douglas Adams
He appears in the books The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Life, the Universe, and Everything.
In the first radio series and on television, he was played by Richard Vernon. He appears in Fits the Third and []Fourth on radio, and the corresponding Episodes Three and Episodes Four in the TV version.
In the third radio series, he is a major character and is voiced by Richard Griffiths (due to the death of Richard Vernon). In the 2005 theatrical movie, he is played by Bill Nighy.
Thor
Thor is a figure in Norse mythology. He first appears at Milliways, and is mentioned in Fit the Fifth of the radio series, Episode Five of the televison series, and the book The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. He has no lines in either of these.
He next appears in the book Life, the Universe and Everything, at a party, where is chatting up Trillian. Arthur tricks him into stepping out of the (flying) building by challenging him to a fight. In the radio adaption of this he appears in Fit the Sixteenth, where he is played by Dominic Hawksley. Hawksley is due to reprise the role in the radio adaption of Mostly Harmless, the Quintessial Phase, despite not appearing in that book. Two other characters from the Restaurant - Max Quordlepleen and Zarquon are also due to appear.
Thor also appears in the Dirk Gently novel The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul.
Trin Tragula
Trin Tragula was a speculative philosopher who invented the Total Perspective Vortex to annoy his wife, who thought he was an idiot who needed to show some sense of proportion. When he attached his wife to the Total Perspective Vortex, the shock of seeing herself in relation to the rest of the universe annihilated her brain. Although he was horrified by this, Trin Tragula found some satisfaction in discovering that the one thing that a person could not have in life is a proper sense of proportion.
Veet Voojagig
A quiet young talented student at the University of Maximegalon who, after drinking some Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters with Zaphod Beeblebrox became obsessed with the problem of what happens to all his used ballpoint pens. Interestingly enough, Zaphod has an extremely profitable second-hand ballpoint pen business...
Appears in:
Wise Old Bird, The
The Wise Old Bird is the leader of the Bird People of Brontitall. He does not like saying the word "shoe", as he and the bird people consider it unspeakable.
The Wise Old Bird appeared in Fit the Tenth of the original radio series. He was voiced by John Le Mesurier.
Wonko the Sane
John Watson aka Wonko the Sane lives in California with his wife Arcane Jill Watson in a house called The Outside of the Asylum. When Wonko saw instructions on how to use a toothpick (http://homepage.ntlworld.com/doklands/images/toothpicks2.png) on a packet of toothpicks he became convinced that the world had gone crazy and built an asylum for it. Arthur and Fenchurch pay a visit to him and learn that like both of them, Wonko had also received a fishbowl from the dolphins. He also claims to have seen angels with golden beards, green wings and Dr. Scholl sandals who drive little scooters, do a little coke and are very cool about a lot of things. According to the book, he resembles a very tall David Bowie.
Appears in:
In the radio series, he is played by Christian Slater.
Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged
Wowbagger is an alien who became immortal due to a strange accident involving an irrational particle accelerator, a liquid lunch and a pair of rubber bands. After becoming immortal, he did everything one can do in life, several times, becoming terribly bored of everything. Due to his unnatural immortality, he was unable to handle his condition, and so he became extremely revolted with everything in the universe, especially all the living beings on it. He then made a plan that, despite being rather impossible and foolish (and he'd be the first to admit it) would at least keep him busy. The plan was: he was going to insult, personally, all the living beings in the universe, in alphabetical order. To this end, he builds a special space ship and computer capable of tracking exactly what life-forms exist in the universe (including all births and deaths) in real time. He appears in the third book, Life, the Universe and Everything, while insulting Arthur Dent with the phrase: "Dent, you're a jerk... A complete asshole." (In the US-edition of the book, the insult is changed to "...complete kneebiter".) At the end of the book, he almost insults Dent a second time, presumably due to a computer error. This completely ruins his afternoon.
Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged is described as having "pale grey-green alien skin which has about it that lustrous sheen that most grey-green faces can only acquire with plenty of exercise and very expensive soap"
Besides appearing in the Hitchhiker-series, Wowbagger is present in The Private Life of Genghis Khan[1] (http://www.douglasadams.com/dna/980707-07-s.html), an independent short story by Douglas Adams. Wowbagger insults Genghis Khan, provoking him to burn down large segments of Asia.
In the new radio series, he is voiced by Toby Longworth.
Appears in:
Yooden Vranx
Yooden Vranx is the late former President of the Galaxy, the one before Zaphod Beeblebrox. Just before his death, Yooden came to see Zaphod and presented his idea to steal the Heart of Gold. He also convinced Zaphod to lock out one part of his brains so that no one could figure out why Zaphod ran for the presidency. Before becoming the President of the Galaxy, Yooden Vranx was a captain of an Arcturan megafreighter.
Zaphod and Ford Prefect first met Yooden when they were children on Betelgeuse. Zaphod had souped up a trijet scooter and he and Ford raided Yooden's megafreighter on a bet. After storming the bridge with toy pistols and demanding conkers, Yooden gave them both conkers, food, booze, and various other items before teleporting the pair back to the maximum security wing of the Betelgeuse state prison.
Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth
The great-grandfather of Zaphod Beeblebrox, Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth is one of two active characters in books that also happens to be dead (see also: Hotblack Desiato). When Arthur Dent inadvertently freezes the systems on board Heart of Gold at the same moment Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz attacks, the younger Zaphod holds a seance to contact Zaphod the Fourth.
Zaphod the Fourth berates his great-grandchild for being generally self-absorbed and learns of the ship's imminent destruction. He stops time so he can continue deriding Zaphod, who tries (rather weakly) to defend his life. Zaphod the Fourth saves the ship and crew to keep his great-grandchild and his "modern friends" from joining him in the afterlife.
When he learns that the ship had seized up to solve the dilemma of either making tea (in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe) or figuring out why Arthur would want dried leaves in water (on radio, Fit the Ninth), he solves these problems before leaving by either leaving a pot of tea in the Nutri-Matic Drink Synthesizer or by explaining to Eddie that "he's an ignorant monkey who doesn't know better," respectively. In the book Z.B. the Fourth approves of the tying up of all computer resources to make tea - unlike everyone else present on the Heart Of Gold at the time, including Arthur who originally made the request of Eddie.
As a final note, Zaphod explains that his great-grandfather is "the Fourth" due to an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine. Zaphod the Fourth, therefore, bitterly refers to his great-grandson as "Zaphod Beeblebrox the Nothingth."
Appears in:
He was voiced on radio by Richard Goulden.
Zarniwoop
Zarniwoop works in the offices of the Guide, on Ursa Minor Beta. When Zaphod travels to Ursa Minor Beta to meet Zarniwoop, he is informed that Zarniwoop is unavailable, and too cool to see him right now. He is in his office, but he's on an intergalactic cruise. Zaphod subsequently discovers that Zarniwoop's intergalactic cruise has been spending 900 years on Frogstar B, waiting for its complement of small lemon-soaked paper napkins, and every single passenger has aged considerably. Only one person, who was not a passenger, but who hid himself on the spaceship, has not aged – Zarniwoop. Zaphod subsequently learns that, before he sealed part of his brain, he was collaborating with Zarniwoop to find out who rules the universe. In the books, he is marooned on the ruler of the universe's planet and is stuck outside the only shelter from driving rain because the ruler of the universe is unsure as to whether Zarniwoop's desperate thumping is real or not. At the end of the second radio series, he is again marooned, but this time with Ford Prefect and Zaphod Beeblebrox for company.
In the Quintessential Phase radio series, Zarniwoop is revealed to be the same person as the Mostly Harmless character Van Harl (Zarniwoop is his first name), and a Vogon in disguise.
Appears in:
On the radio, Zarniwoop is voiced by Jonathan Pryce.
Zarquon
Zarquon is a legendary prophet. He is apparently worshipped or held in some religious significance by one or more of the Galaxy's major religions. His name, like that of Jesus on Earth, is frequently invoked as an expletive of surprise, anger, or awe. An apparently short form, Zark, and various compounds (What in the name of zarking fardwarks...) is also frequently used in the books.
Exactly what Zarquon taught is unclear; most of the Zarquon mythos centres around a prophesied Second Coming of the Great Prophet Zarquon, although this is often invoked in the sense of "never" (like, "when hell freezes over"). Zarquon's second coming does actually occur—at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Since the said restaurant occurs an infinite number of times at the end of the universe, due to a specially created time-loop, Zarquon's impossible appearance at the restaurant became finitely improbable, and therefore happens just before the universe ends.
The second coming is not particularly spectacular, and Zarquon turns out to be a bit distracted and hurried when he arrives. He had a lot of things to do, and apologizes for being late, but disappears before he can say much because the Universe ends.
"Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish" is an expletive phrase used, but not explained, by Zaphod Beeblebrox when he faces extreme danger.
He appears in the radio series in Fit the Fifth, where he is voiced by Anthony Sharp, and in the book The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. In the television series he appears in Episode Five, and is played by Colin Bennett.
He is due to make a return in the adaption of Mostly Harmless to the radio, the The Quintessial Phase, despite not appearing in that book, along with two other characters who appear in the Milliway's scene, Max Quordlepleen, and Thor. He will be voiced by William Franklyn, the new voice of the Book.
Zem
Zem is an affable swampdwelling mattress (probably of very high quality) from Squornshellous Zeta who tries his best to cheer up Marvin the Paranoid Android, who became stranded on the planet after having one arm welded to his side and one leg replaced by a steel pillar which turns out to be of immense importance, with utterly predictable results. Zem is also the witness to Marvin's abduction by the Krikkit war robots.
Also note that "Zem" is the name of all Squornshellous Zeta mattresses.
Appears in:
On radio, he is voiced by Andy Taylor.
See also
External links
- Hotblack Desiato Estate Agents (http://www.hotblackdesiato.co.uk) – the real estate agent so named above.
- Trillian (http://www.trillian.cc) – the Instant Messaging software
- Wowbagger.com (http://www.wowbagger.com) – a tribute page to Douglas Adams and his character that includes a random insult generator applet and software.
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