Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is an alcoholic drink which is mentioned in Douglas Adams' humorous science fiction radio series, novel, computer game, movie, and television series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Below is a brief excerpt from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy which describes the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:

Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colourless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

It says that the effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.

The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterwards.

The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself.

...

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the Encyclopedia Galactica.

Recipe

The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster was invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, a major character in the series. Its recipe, which unfortunately cannot be filled on Earth, is as follows:

1. Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit.
2. Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V.
3. Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
4. Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it.
5. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qalactin Hypermint extract.
6. Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger.
7. Sprinkle Zamphuor.
8. Add an olive.
9. Drink . . . but . . . very carefully . . .

Earth Recipe

Original Recipe

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster - Earth Recipe by Ben O'Sullivan

Notes:

• • Always serve ice cold.
  • For best results, chill all alcohol in freezer before and after preparation.
  • Serve with lemon wedges as chaser or garnish. (see other mixes below)

Mix:

• • 4 parts Absolut Citron (This is the backbone of the drink. For the lemon taste.)
  • 1 part Goldschlager (Careful, not too much! For the gold flakes, the cinnamon taste is weakened later.)
  • 1 part Bacardi 151 rum (Stop making that face, it's only 1/7th of the drink! For golden tint.)
  • 1 part Everclear (Yes, you have to. It cuts the clingy effect of the cinnamon Goldschlager.)

Directions:

1. Decide how much you want to make. One liter will put four to five large men under the table, depending upon speed of ingestion and prior experience with hard liquor.

• You want to prepare it all at once for two reasons:
  1. Measuring out 1/7th of a single shot is pretty tricky.
  2. Once the bartender has participated in a few rounds, he probably isn't fit to tie his shoes, much less handle basic-division and icy glass bottles.

1. Take the amount desired and divide by seven to determine the size of each part.
2. Make sure you have enough Citron, you need four times as much vodka as anything else.
3. Shake Goldschlager well before measuring, this ensures more equal use of the essential gold flakes. Be very careful to use no more than one part Goldschlager, as the cinnamon taste is very strong and the liquid tends to gel, causing an undesireable aftertaste.
4. Use your own discretion when measuring out the rum. The desired color can be achieved with rum constituting as little as 1/8th, to as much as 1/6th of the drink. If you like rum, use a fraction more, the resulting color will be all the richer. If you don't, skimp a bit, just don't use less than 1/8th, and always use Bacardi 151. I cannot stress this enough. Any other rum will have a completely different diffusion ratio, as well as a different (and most likely disruptive) taste. Bacardi 151 is 75.5 percent alcohol, whereas most other rums contain far more fillers and toxins. Toxins are not a bad thing as rum goes, we simply don't want most of them in this drink.
5. No matter what you may wish to believe, you must use no less than 1 part Everclear for every 1 part Goldschlager. This is essential, in that the high-grade alcohol dilutes (or cuts) the thick Goldschlager, preventing it from clinging about your throat and mouth, resulting in a truly foul and altogether undesirable (not to mention cloying) cinnamon aftertaste.
6. Always provide a lemon with every drink. When consuming this mix as shots, the sour lemon juice perfectly slakes any lingering burn from the alcohol.
7. Pour mix into a sealed, freezer-proof container (some plastic will crack or shatter in the cold), preferably a glass-lined thermos. Chill thoroughly and always serve ice cold. If possible, frost the glasses you plan to use as well.
8. Always shake well before serving to ensure even distribution of gold flakes.

• Final mix is 106.57-proof (53.3% alcohol) when served straight up as shots. Also works well for mixed drinks. Some examples follow below.

Variations

Below are several variations on the original Earth Gargle Blaster recipe.

Gargle Blaster Hard Lemonade - Quick and easy.

• Prepare Kool-Aid Lemonade, substituting Gargle Blaster mix for 1/4 of the water. Use approximately 2 extra teaspoons of sugar per packet of lemonade. Cut one lemon (per packet) in half, squeezing one side for juice, and thin-slicing the other side into the lemonade. Serve cold, as always (preferably with a lemon wedge as garnish on the glass). Approximately 26.64-proof (13.3% alcohol).

Olde Fashioned Gargle Blaster Lemonade - Just like grammie used to make!

• Use your favorite recipe for homemade lemonade, substituting 1/4 Gargle Blaster mix for every 3/4 other liquid. If your grammie always used a lot of bourbon in hers, that's probably fine too. Just remember to put me in your will first. Otherwise, same alcohol content as above.

Gargle Blaster Listerine Jello-Shots - Oddly refreshing.

• Prepare Lemon Jell-O, using half warm water as normal, substituting chilled Gargle Blaster mix for the cold water half. Nice buzz, but there is an unmistakeable aftertaste of Original Listerine. Approximately 53.28-proof (26.64% alcohol).

Gargle Blasteritas - Margaritas with a Pan Galactic twist.

• Prepare Margarita as normal, substituting Gargle Blaster mix for tequila. Simple as that! Alcohol content highly variable depending on your taste and mixing habits.

Pan Galactic Gargle Zinger -or- Arthur & Dirk's Tea Time - Lemon Zinger tea, gone crazy!

• This variation requires a modification to the original recipe. First off, don't bother chilling anything as you're just going to make it hot later. If you're mixing from scratch, simply use half as much Goldschlager and half as much Everclear. When determining parts, you are now working from a base of 12 (8 parts Citron, 2 parts Bacardi, 1 part Everclear, 1 part Goldschlager) rather than a base of 7 (4 parts Citron, 1 part Bacardi, etc). If you're going to modify an existing batch, get out a calculator, an eyedropper, and a set of measuring spoons, because you're getting tricky now.

• Anyway, on to the tea. For stoves, pour 1/4 cup of Gargle Blaster mix into your mug and set a tea-kettle to boil on the stove. For microwaves, boil 3/4 cup water in the microwave. When the water boils, combine 3/4 hot water, 1/4 warm Gargle Blaster mix and 2 Celestial Seasonings Lemon Zinger (NOT Red Zinger!) tea bags into your mug. Let steep, stirring gently. Try pressing the bag against the side of the mug several times with your spoon, this squeezes out more flavor (obviously, be careful not to break the tea-bags). Allow your tea to steep thoroughly and always use two tea-bags for every full mug of water-mix, unless you like weak tea. Before discarding them, gently squeeze the tea-bags (CAREFUL, they may be hot!), allowing the excess drips to fall you're your cup. Add 1-3 teaspoons of unfiltered local honey, to taste. (Always buy unfiltered local honey, it does amazing things for plant, pollen and mold allergies.)

• When prepared properly, this drink should provide a warm, golden, fuzzy feeling, suitable for gazing into fishbowls, or just chatting with Norse gods. The perfect way to start and end your day, at the same time! About 25.35-proof (12.8% alcohol).

Milliway's Special - Witness the End of the Universe... In a glass!

• Pull a shotglass from the freezer and hold it upside down over a tall glass. Pour Everclear across the outside of the shotglass, allowing the excess to drip into the tall glass below. Set the shotglass on the counter and pour in a double shot of ice-cold Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Swirl the tall glass around coating the inside with Everclear (like vermouth in a martini), allowing any excess to drip back onto the shotglass. Set the tall glass on the bar to the left of the shotglass (right for lefties). Get a lighter (now would be a good time to put those safety goggles on) and ignite the Everclear on the outside of the shotglass. Very quickly, grab the tall glass upside-down (thumb down, pinky up) and flip it over the flaming shotglass, causing the Everclear on the inside of the tall glass to ignite. Enjoy the show as the curling flames leap and swirl beneath the glass, then rapidly burn out as the oxygen inside is depleted. As soon as the flames are completely extinguished, put your mouth next to the glass just above the bar, and lift the nearest edge, sucking in the hot vapors as they escape their enclosure. As soon as you have a full breath, grab the shotglass (it may be somewhat hot) and toss back the warm-cold liquid inside! If the billowing flames inside the glass didn't look like the end of the universe to you, you did something wrong, so have another shot at it. After three or four of them, you'll either start seeing the end of the universe in that glass, or you won't remember what you were looking for in the first place!

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