Hitler Has Only Got One Ball

"Hitler has only got one ball" refers to the many variations on a set of vulgar lyrics to the popular "Colonel Bogey March". These are four-line lyrics making fun of the Nazi leaders.

An alleged Soviet autopsy shortly after the war claimed Hitler was monorchic, but most historians dismiss this reference as propaganda. However, records show that he was wounded in 1916 during the Battle of the Somme, and some sources describe his injury as a wound to the groin. Hitler's World War I company commander has said that a VD exam found that Hitler had only one testicle.

In his autobiography Fringe Benefits, well-connected Anglo-Irish gadabout and publicist Donough O'Brien claims the original was written by his father, Toby O'Brien, also a publicity agent, in August, 1939 as British propaganda. [1] (http://www.fringe-benefits.co.uk/frinfacs.html) This purported original version started with the words "Göring has only got one ball", and went on to imply that Hitler had two small ones. In virtually all later versions, the positions are reversed. The statement that Himmler was "sim'lar" appears in all versions. The final line of this original and some later forms ends with the clever word play that Goebbels had "noeballs". Both these variations argue strongly in favor of O'Brien's version being a very early version.

No author has ever been identified for the more popular versions that begin "Hitler has only got one ball" or "Hitler has got one left ball".

The song has frequently been heard and seen. The lyrics were not used in The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) because they were considered too vulgar. Thomas Pynchon quoted them in V. in the mouths of British artillerymen on Malta. Bette Midler sang them in her concert film Divine Madness and they were also heard on the British TV sitcom 'Allo 'Allo!, the 1972 film adaptation of the John Knowles novel A Separate Peace (although they are not in the book), and the Czech film Dark Blue World (2001). No attempt is known to have been made to claim or enforce a copyright on these lyrics.

There are many variants to this song, most making fun of Nazi political leaders.

Contents

1 Quotation 2 Variants 3 See also 4 External links

Quotation

From The Psychopathic God: Adolf Hitler (1978), by Robert G.L. Waite (but subject to others' elaborations):

Since the matter is of considerable importance to the psychological development of Hitler from infancy onward, let us pause here and come to grips with the problem of the Fuehrer's testicles. It can now be affirmed that the British Tommies were right all along in the first line of their version of the Colonel Bogey March, they were although manifestly mistaken in the last - that is to say, unless Goebbels' 5 children were the progeny of adoption, paternal surrogacy or some hitherto unconsidered, presumably unpalatable "Gott mit uns" form of divine intervention.

The autopsy performed by the Red Army pathologists on Hitler's body... [produced clear] findings:

The left testicle could not be found either in the scrotum or on the spermatic cord inside the inguinal canal, or in the small pelvis...

Variants

This purported original version is interesting in that Göring has the one ball and Hitler apparently has two:

Göring has only got one ball

Hitler's [are] so very small

Himmler's so very similar

And Goebbels has noebbels at all!

That it starts with Göring and the musical comedy word play of rhyming Goebbels with "noebbels" both argue in favor of this being a very early version.

Variant number 1

Hitler has only got one ball,

Göring has two but very small,

Himmler has something sim'lar,

But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

Variant number 2

Hitler has only got one ball,

The other is in the Albert Hall

His mother, the dirty bugger,

Cut it off when he was small.

A second verse is sometimes added:

She threw it into a great big tree

It fell in-to the deep blue sea

The fishes grabbed their dishes

And ate scallops and bollocks for tea

A further variant on the above second verse:

She tied it upon a conker tree

The wind came and blew it out to sea

The fishes got out their dishes

And had scallops and bollocks for tea

Variant number 3

Frankfurt has only one beer hall,

Stuttgart, die München all on call,

Munich, vee lift our tunich,

To show vee "Cherman" have no balls at all.

Variant number 4

Hitler has only got one ball,

The other is in the old town hall,

His mother, she pinched the other,

Now Hitler ain't got none at all!

Variant number 5

Hans Otto is very short, not tall,

And blotto, for drinking Singhai and Skol.

A "Cherman", unlike Bruce Erwin,

Because Hans Otto has no balls at all.

Variant number 6 In Thomas Pynchon's novel V., the following variant is sung by British artillerymen in Malta in 1940.

Hitler has only one left ball

Göring has two but they are small.

Himmler was somewhat similar

And poor old Goebbels has no balls at all

Variant number 7

Hitler, he only had one ball

Göring had two but very small

Himmler, had something sim'lar

And only Goeballs had no-balls at all.

Variant number 8 (as used live by Bette Midler):

Hitler had only one big ball

Göring had two but they were small

Himmler had something sim'lar

And poor old Goeballs had no balls at all.

Variant number 9

Hitler has only one left ball,

Goebbels has two but they're quite small

Himmler has something sim'lar,

And Mussolini hasn't any, at all!

See also

• Discrediting tactics
• One-Balled Dictator (cocktail)

External links

• Did Hitler have only one testicle? (http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_128b.html) from The Straight Dope
• A British songbook (http://www.gthhh.com/hymnal/hym224.htm)
• A British Soldier Remembers (http://www.britishsoldier.com/music.htm), songs and lyrics of World War II
• Colonel Bogey Bush (http://members.cox.net/sksnedegar/bogeyballs.htm)
• Three verses worth (http://www.455th.ukpc.net/tomfeise/propaganda/german/hitlerha%5B1%5D.htm)