Bill, the Galactic Hero

Bill, the Galactic Hero is a satirical science fiction novel by Harry Harrison, first published in 1965.

Along with a number of other works it was part of the sci-fi community's response to Heinlein's controversially militaristic Starship Troopers. The overall plot is similar, the details rather less so and taking the opportunity to make fun of the writings of other authors including Asimov, 'Doc' Smith, and Heller.

Series

Six sequels have been published from 1989 to 1992. The first, Bill, the Galactic Hero ... On the Planet of Robot Slaves, by Harrison. The other five ... On the Planet of by others (Robert Sheckley, David Bischoff, Jack Haldeman and David Harris) with Harrison name added to the title page.

Plot

The title character is an innocent, singly-named farmboy who is enlisted into the military (the Space Troopers) by a mix of technological tricks and ego-reducing drugs (as all soldiers are). "This broad-shouldered, square-chinned, curly-haired chunk of electronic-cannon fodder" is loaded with fake medals and a paper uniform before being sent off to boot camp (Camp Leon Trotsky) for an exhausting and unpleasant period of training under the be-fanged Petty Chief Officer Deathwish Drang ("Very soon you will be hearing stories about me, vicious stories, about how I killed and ate a recruit who disobeyed me ... That story is true.").

Bill quickly learns how to be a good trooper - the first rule being "Keep your mouth shut" and the second "never volunteer" - for the war with the "seven-foot-high saurian" Chingers. After a space battle with four million casualties Bill's training is cut short and he, with the entire staff of the Camp, are shipped out onto vessels still under construction for the next space battle. Bil ("Two 'Ls' for officers only") becomes a Fuse Tender Sixth Class on the Christine Keeler (Fanny Hill in UK editions), a ship with a particularly strange 'star drive' and a serious heat dispersal problem in combat. Bill uncovers a Chinger spy, discovering the lizards are only seven inches tall, and loses his left arm in a space battle. While in shock he also manages to destroy an enemy vessel and win himself the Purple Dart with Coalsack Nebula Cluster and a compulsory re-enlistment for seven more years. Due to a shortage of left-arms Bill's is replaced with the right of one of his dead comrades, which allows him to salute with either hand.

Bill is taken to the Imperial planet Helior (a satire on Trantor) to receive his medal. Helior is a planet of 150 billion sheathed in gold (anodized aluminum actually) with all the problems that suggests, notably atmosphere, waste and getting anywhere. Not being a officer he is treated very poorly and given his medal by a stand-in, "Do you think they have the real Emperor giving out medals to other-ranks?" Bill has his floor plan stolen, a hanging offence. It takes him eight days to find his way back to the Transit Rankers' Center, where he is promptly arrested.

Bill quickly escapes, becomes very lost and finds sanctuary with the City Department of Sanitation. The waste disposal problems on Helior are immense, after the failure of Operation Flying Saucer (dump waste into a nearby sun causing it to nova) and Project Big Splash (dump the waste into the covered oceans filling them up) and the dubious Emergency Plan Big Flea (pretend to fumigate a dormitory blocks and fill it with rubbish instead) Bill 'solves' the problem - the waste is posted to other planets as 'free gifts'. He also becomes a revolutionary double-agent for the Galactic Bureau of Investigation. When the revolution begins and "agents of sixty-five spy, intelligence, and counter-intelligence outfits" have been removed there is only one man left. Bill, however, is identified as a deserter and arrested by Drang, now an MP.

Having wisely saved his money Bill bribes Drang to get him a lawyer - the Arabic-Jewish-Irish Abdul O'Brien-Cohen. Saved from the death penalty Bill is found guilty of sleeping on duty, reduced to Fuse Tender Seventh Class and given a year in prison. In prison he falls in with Blackey, an eternal soldier and expert on avoiding both trouble and duty. Unfortunately a slip of the pen on a transfer card lands Bill on the front-line at a prison labor camp in Tabes Dorsalgia on Veneria.

Veneria is an unpleasant over-adjectived poisonous swamp planet where there is constant guerrilla fighting with the Chingers and their Venian allies. In three years the Space Troopers have conquered 100 square miles; about two square miles more than they captured on landing. Heavy infantry in powered armour spend their time lobbing 'teensie' A-bombs and sinking to their deaths in the swamp when their fuel runs out. ("It's always Bowb-your-buddy week") Bill is part of a road building squad, a pointless and near-suicidal job with no escape. The desperate soldiers have a Permanent Mutiny Committee but it "didn't work last four times we tried it." Bill becomes lost in the swamp during a Venian attack, rescues a few prisoners - including Drang - because they have food and they get back to the base. He finds they have a foot shortage and are shipping foot injuries off-planet, Bill quickly shoots his own right foot off.

Bill becomes a recruiting sergeant and is assigned to Phigerinadon II where he recruits his own younger brother for the one-month off his own service time it will give him.