Talk:Self-esteem

The narcissistic article states that people who are narcissistic have low self-esteem, although this article implies that they have high self-esteem. --John Bracegirdle 21:33, 2 Dec 2004 (UTC)

written into Californian law as something to oppose, low self-esteem rapidly became a universal explanation for any personal failing...

In what way was this written into California law? If a more specific reference can't be produced, I'm deleting this part.

-Ryguasu 08:11 Nov 24, 2002 (UTC)

I will give this page a disputed warning because the first sentence says that it applies to animals but from the rest of the article it seems that it applies to humans. Andries 21:28, 23 May 2004 (UTC)

"Some see low self-esteem as a major predisposing factor for crime; others point out that high self-esteem equates with the risk-taking behaviour of criminals."

Are you certain low self-esteem is known to be a predisposing factor for crime? Bullies and criminals are more likely to suffer from 'High Self Esteem Disorder' than others, where they suffer from unrealistically high self esteem and impulse control problems. (This is not disguised low-esteem as commonly thought)

See the first external link (http://www.wetheliving.com/pipermail/psychology/2002-October/000195.html) used in article

-JanZ Dec 28 2004

You are correct. The idea that criminals suffer from low self-esteem has zero basis in fact. It simply was an assumption among some social progressives from the 1960s to early 1990s, which they never even bothered to test with peer-reviewed, controlled tests. All studies on this subject show the exact opposite. Those prone to violence and criminal behavior have high self-esteem. RK 17:40, Mar 5, 2005 (UTC)

Danniboy's content moved here

The following text was recently added to the article by User:Danniboy, but I've moved it here because I find it to be a cross between an opinionated essay and an advice column. Perhaps some of it is useable, but it'd require a lot of adaptive editing. -- Hadal 19:21, 31 Dec 2004 (UTC)

Good move. What you moved here was essentially a commericial advertisement, and did not constitute researched or scholarly encyclopedia quality material. RK 17:40, Mar 5, 2005 (UTC)

Why is your self-esteem so low?

(contributed by NLP Weekly Magazine's Editor)

Most of us are children of dysfunctional families. It doesn’t mean that your parents were alcoholic, physically abused you or worst. Dysfunctional can be considered as “normal” modern interactions. Most of us grew up in families that nurtured conflicting signals (dad says “yes", mom says “no"), de­nials of reality, parental lying, and lack of mutual respect. And this is the characteristics of the AVERAGE family.

We fight with our parents, who are totally control freaks. Our siblings are trying to get more attention from the family than we get. We hear our parents say things like “why can’t you be more like A or B?", or find out that they listen to our phone conversations, or get “compliments” like “you’re clumsy, you’ll never make it in sport", “why can’t you be more of a man?” or “forget about college with these grades, you’re not that smart". One of my clients even said that her mother said to her once “I hate you". And that’s normal.

Dysfunctions are not presented only by language. How about the “we don’t talk” game or silence treatment or avoidance or not listening to what you’re really saying or looking upset every time you speak or many other body language patterns and behaviors that basically give you the impression that: you worth less.

Can you make a list of what your parents or brothers/sisters told you when you were a child, that today you find horrible to believe you took it so seriously? Make that list now. Please note: even if your family was the most dysfunctional anti-supportive family of all, it has only a part at constructing your low self esteem. Not all of it is due to your parent’s fault.

Self Esteem Reinforcement Exercise

In order to complete this exercise you will need to get a piece of paper, a pencil or pen, and a timer or a clock. It is better if you take writing instruments that are comfortable for you. Set your timer for 10 minutes or simply write down the time on your watch or a clock. Write your first name across the top of the paper.

Now start to write anything you can think of about yourself, in a positive and nurturing way. It sounds simple to complete but it isn’t necessarily, especially if your self-esteem suffered some major hits during the last few years. As you write, make sure to write about special skills, talents, and achievements you have and had. You can write it down by using single words ("Tennis", “Poems", “Loving") or you can write complete sentences ("I play Tennis well", “I write inspiring poems"). As ideas and thoughts come to your mind, it is a matter of getting them down to the paper, and not constructing a grammar book.

You may write the same things over and over if you would want to emphasize certain positive items about you. Don’t worry about writing with the right spelling or grammar. Your ideas don’t have to be organized in any special order. Simply write down on paper whatever comes to your mind. You are the only one who will read this paper.

Remember to avoid any negative statements or using any negative words — use only positive ones. Saying “I am a great Tennis player, unless I’m playing against George” is a negative phrase. Simply say that you are a good Tennis player, no comparisons, no “but” and no “unless". Positive. You must keep writing. Do not stop to think it over or criticize if what you are writing is the “truth". There is no real truth in life besides the laws of nature, and your self-esteem is ever changing. Truth is at the eyes of the beholder, anyhow. Keep writing, do not move the pen away from the paper, move your hand without stopping (I know, it hurts a bit - stop whining!). The key here is to write even if you don’t really have words.

One your 10 minutes of writing positive statements about you are up, put down the pen and read the paper over to yourself. It is better if you read it aloud; however, if there are people around they might think you’re an ego-maniac. If you’re alone, go ahead and say it with a strong and persuasive tone of voice (which you usually have when you must sell your old “Beetle” car). This may happen: You feel sad when you read what you have written because these words are a new, different, and positive point of view of thinking about yourself – this is a way that contradicts some of the most powerful negative thoughts you may have had about yourself as a person.

But don’t you worry. Those feelings will diminish once you read this paper again. So the next step would be to read the paper over again several times. After you are done, place this paper in a private but easy to access place – your pocket, your drawer, your wallet, or under the table beside your bed.

You should read it over to yourself at least several times a day to keep reminding yourself of how many talents you really have. If it is possible, read it aloud to a good friend or even to your therapist if you have one.

I know that it sounds simplistic, but as simple as it sounds, it is also very powerful. I suggest to all of my clients to try this quick but powerful exercise. It doesn’t require any special preparation, simply arrange a few minutes and you boost your self esteem higher.

Self Esteem and Attention Seeking Behavior

I think it would be safe to state that low self-esteem causes many people, especially children to resort to attention seeking behavior. What do others think?

That seemingly reasonable assumption has been shown by the last 10 years of research to be very wrong. People with over high self-esteem feel that they can do whatever they like; it is these people who act in ways that we used to label "attention seeking." See the article in Scientific American, Exploding the Self-Esteem Myth. RK 17:00, Mar 5, 2005 (UTC)

Well certainly the article has its points with children who resort to substance use and other things, however there is no direct findings reported in the article related to self esteem. I don't think all behavior related to substance abuse and other things is related to attention seeking behavior. However in terms of social relationships, which is the area of attention seeking behavior there was no link saying that low self esteem had an effect on the ability of social relationships, only in the ability to reach out and make new friendships.

People who regard themselves highly generally state that they are popular and rate their friendships as being of superior quality to those described by people with low self-esteem, who report more negative interactions and less social support. But as Julia Bishop and Heidi M. Inderbitzen-Nolan of the University of Nebraska–Lincoln showed in 1995, these assertions do not reflect reality. The investigators asked 542 ninth-grade students to nominate their most-liked and least-liked peers, and the resulting rankings displayed no correlation whatsoever with self-esteem scores. SA: Scientific American - Exploding the Self Esteem Myth (http://www.sciam.com/print_version.cfm?articleID=000CB565-F330-11BE-AD0683414B7F0000)

All I can say is that in most cases I have seen, people who are constantly negative (People with low self-esteem are not merely down on themselves; they are negative about everything. - SA Article) have a tendancy to resort to attention seeking behavior, because they feel they need support with things, and often dramatise and create a negative image to try and get attention.

What do you think about that? --Kintaro 04:01, 4 May 2005 (UTC)

Link removed

Someone removed a link in this revision (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Self-esteem&diff=13204471&oldid=13110002), I see no reason for it and it was also an anonymous edit. I put it back. --Kintaro 03:06, 4 May 2005 (UTC)