Father Jack Hackett
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I_Love_My_Brick!.jpg
Through much of the series he is comatose in his favourite chair and most waking moments are spent calling for "Drink!"
With a complexion reminiscent of boiled ham he is, however, capable of impressively nimble feats: it is unwise to leave unattended a freshly opened bottle of wine with Jack within 5 metres of it.
The drink does, sad to say, appear to have taken its toll on Jack's cognitive functioning. The few lines he does speak are usually "Drink", "Feck", "Girls" or "Arse", though occasionally he branches out into comments like "Are those my feet?", "I like cake", "Feckin' birds again" and "I'm a happy camper". Occasionally he has longer lines, whose rarity just add to the comic effect. Father Ted spent a painful few hours trying to get the priest to utter a phrase which didn't refer to the demon booze, but to little avail. The end result was Jack being able (for a short while) to use the phrases "Yes" (for simple questions) and "That would be an ecumenical matter" (for diversionary tactics).
Bishop: "Are they treating you well?"
Jack: "That would be an ecumenical matter."
Jack is a very violent man. He regularly throws punches and bottles. Unlike Father Ted and Father Dougal, Jack is not afraid of Bishop Brennan, and has even gone so far as to bloody his nose. It appears that they were once equals.
He is affected by leap-years, and for a short period becomes a lovely character, dancing in fields with children and puppy dogs. In an act of unusual love and affection, he shortly had a pet brick (he hugs it and yells "I love my brick!"). He tends to dream of his "glory days" of teaching Catholic school girls netball and judging wet t-shirt contests. He was also the first priest to denounce the Beatles. His personal hygiene is dubious - his head once went septic, and the others use his copious amounts of earwax for candles. He also appears to be infecting the wall behind his chair. When he died in series one, it was discovered that he had amassed a personal fortune of £500,000, which he had left to Dougal and Ted on the condition that they spend the night with his corpse. When it emerges that he is in fact still alive, they express their relief and then decide they really do need to try out several new different types of floor polish (the liquid imbibed by Jack leading to his apparent death)...and perhaps leave them lying around the house for easy access.