Laser mission
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Laser_Mission.jpg
Laser Mission is a 1990 action movie starring the late Brandon Lee as well as Ernest Borgnine. The "plot" concerns a mercenary named Michael Gold (Lee) who is sent to convince Dr. Braun (Borgnine) - a Laser specialist - to defect to the United States before the KGB acquires him. His expertise is meant to create a powerful laser whose power is drawn from diamonds, the largest of which was stolen by the KGB.
The movie is just so bad that it's hysterical. The acting is just terrible, and one wonders how Brandon Lee managed to get himself into such a role just 4 years before starring in The Crow. The plot is just pure swiss cheese (both for the cheesiness of the lines as well as the extreme abundance of holes). Lee speaks entirely in clichés, one-liners and total cheese, just adding to how ridiculous the whole film actually is.
Laser Mission is the ultimate B-Movie and includes such memorable gems as:
- Constant reuse of the one original song for the movie ("Mercenary Man")
- Ernest Borgnine's German accent, which fades in and out throughout the film
- A pair of Cuban soldiers (Manuel and Sgt. Roberta) played by a German man (Pierre Knoessen) and a Middle-Eastern woman (Maureen Lahoud) both of which have accents demonstrative of their real nationalities
- Grammatically incorrect Spanish signs scattered throughout "Cuba"
- Lack of clarity as to when the characters are in South Africa, Cuba or Austria, seemingly moving from one to the other without use of anything other than horses and a van loaded with weapons
- The useless and helpless Alissa, played by Debi Monahan