Rules of Acquisition

The Rules of Acquisition are a set of Ferengi guidelines, intended to ensure the profitability of businesses owned by the ultra-capitalist Ferengi in the fictional Star Trek universe. The first rule was made by Gint, the first Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance. He numbered the first rule #162 in order to create demand for the other 161 unwritten rules. Gint never intended these rules to be rules as such, but rather as guidelines or suggestions.

There are 285 Rules of Acquisition, but not all of them have been stated in the Star Trek canon. Most of the rules were written by Ira Steven Behr, a producer of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and he has published them in a book The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (ISBN 0671529366), the cover of which credits authorship as being "By Quark as told to Ira Steven Behr".

Contents

1 List of Rules 2 Revised Rules for the Modern Ferengi 3 Stages of Acquisition 4 External links

List of Rules

0. Once you have their money, never give it back.*

1. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.

2. Never buy anything for more than is absolutely necessary.*

3. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.

4. If you can't break a contract, bend it.

5. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity.*

6. Always keep your ears open.*

7. Keep count of your change.

8. Instinct plus opportunity equals profit.*

9. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one.

10. Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.

11. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.

12. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

13. Anything stolen is pure profit.

14. Acting stupid is often smart.

15. A bargain usually isn't.

16. A deal is a deal.*

17. A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Ferengi.*

18. Beware of relatives bearing gifts.

19. Don't lie too soon after a promotion.

20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.

21. Never place friendship before profit.*

22. Wise men can hear profit in the wind.*

23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest.

24. Never ask when you can take.

25. Fear makes a good business partner.

26. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.

27. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.

28. Morality is always defined by those in power.

29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying.

30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.

31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother; insult something he cares about instead.*

32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.

33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.*

34. War is good for business.*

35. Peace is good for business.*

36. Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.

37. You can always buy back a lost reputation.

38. Free advertising is cheap.

39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers.

40. If you see profit on a journey, take it.

41. Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention.

42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.

43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.

44. Never argue with a loaded phaser.

45. Profit has limits. Loss has none.

46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.

47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.*

48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.*

49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent.

50. Never bluff a Klingon.

51. Never admit a mistake if they're someone else to blame.

52. Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas.

53. Sell first; ask questions later.

54. Never buy anything you can't sell.

55. Always sell at the highest possible profit.

56. Pursue profit; women come later.

57. Good customers are as rare as latinum--treasure them.*

58. Friendship is seldom cheap.

59. Free advice is seldom cheap.*

60. Never use credit where your words will do.

61. Never buy what can be stolen.

62. The riskier the road, the higher the profit.*

63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.

64. Don't talk shop; talk shopping.

65. Don't talk ship; talk shipping.

66. The young are innocent, exploit it.

67. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it. Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve. ^†

68.

69.

70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.

76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.*

94. Females and finances don't mix.*

95. Expand or die. (False Profits (VOY))

101. Never do something you can make someone do for you.

102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.*

103. Sleep can interfere with opportunity.*

104. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost.

109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.*

111. Never sleep with the boss' wife unless you pay him first.

111. Treat people in your debt like family - exploit them.*

112. Never sleep with the boss' sister.*

119. Buy, sell, or get out of the way.

123. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer.

125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.*

138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.

139. Wives serve; brothers inherit.*

148. Opportunity waits for no one.

164. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's.

168. Whisper your way to success.*

172. If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.

180. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.

188. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed.

189. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing.

190. Hear all, trust nothing.*

194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

202. A friend in need is a customer in the making.

208. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.

208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.*

214. Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach.*

215. Instinct without opportunity is useless.

217. You can't free a fish from water.*

221. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.

222. Knowledge is power.

229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.

239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

281. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell.

282. Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner.

283. Rules are always subject to change.

284. Rules are always subject to interpretation.

285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.*

299. Whenever you exploit someone, it doesn't hurt to thank them. (That way it's easier to exploit them the next time.) ‡

*Rules which have been quoted on Deep Space Nine.

† This rule is parallel to the catch-22 in the book Catch-22 by Joseph Heller (1961).

‡ This rule was made up by Neelix posing as the Grand Proxy in False Profits (Voyager episode) to "out-Ferengi the Ferengi" and isn't apart of the actual Rules of Acquisition.

Revised Rules for the Modern Ferengi

A revised list of rules was created by Grand Nagus Zek after consulting a Bajoran orb in the DS9 episode, Prophet Motive. These rules have never been accepted.

1. If they want their money back, give it to them.

10. Greed is dead.

21. Never place profit before friendship.

22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.

23. Money can never replace dignity.

285. A good deed is its own reward.

Stages of Acquisition

In addition to the Rules, Ferengi recognize five Stages:

1. Infatuation

2. Justification

3. Appropriation

4. Obsession

5. Resale

External links

• Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Ferengi_Rules_of_Acquisition) at Memory Alpha, a Star Trek WikiWiki
• The Rules of Acquisition (http://www.vidiot.com/st-ds9/rules.html)
• Totse.com (http://www.totse.com/en/ego/science_fiction/fereng.html)
• Complete Rules of Acquisition (http://www.geocities.com/teg.geo/StarTrek/rules.html)

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"Rules of Acquisition" was also an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.