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Love

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Love has many meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that movie") to something one would die for (patriotism, pairbonding). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love. Probably due to its large psychological relevance, love is one of the most common themes in art. The majority of modern movies have a love story and most pop music is about love.

Contents

Defining love

There are many forms of love as there are many types of lovers. Love is found in all of human cultures and the type of love that exists in these different cultures portray different views as to what love is, placing the universal definition of what love really is, difficult to establish. See the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.

There are many different types of love: the love for a soul or mind, love for laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love for food, love for money, love for learning, love for power, love for fame, love for the respect of others, etc. Different people find different types of love more important, and better, than others. Love is abstract, and there are many questions about it.

Interpersonal love

Interpersonal love is love between human beings, and is more sympathetic than the notion of very much liking for another. Although feelings are usually reciprocal, there can also be unrequited love. Interpersonal love is usually found in an interpersonal relationship, such as between family members, friends, and couples. However, people often express love for other people outside of these relationships through compassionate outreach and volunteering.

Some elements that are often present in interpersonal love:

Sexual energy can be the most important element in determining the shape of a relationship. While sexual attraction often establishes a new bond, sexual intention is considered undesirable or inappropriate in certain love bonds. In many religions and systems of ethics it is wrong to act on sexual desire for immediate family, for children, or outside of a committed relationship. However, there are many ways to express passionate love without sex. Affection, emotional intimacy and shared interests are common in friendships and kinships of all human beings.

Impersonal love

A person can be said to love a country, principle, or goal if they value it greatly and are deeply committed to it. People can also 'love' material objects, animals, or activities if they invest themselves in bonding their identity with that item. In these cases, if sexual passion is actually felt, it is typically considered abnormal or unhealthy, and called paraphilia.

Religious love

Most religions use love to express the devotion the follower has to their deity who may be a living guru or religious teacher. This love can be expressed by putting the love of God above personal needs, prayer, service, good deeds, and personal sacrifice, all done selflessly. Reciprocally, the followers may believe that the deity loves the followers and all of creation. Some traditions encourage the development of passionate love in the believer for the deity. Refer to Religious Views below.

Scientific models

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Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, just like hunger or thirst. Psychology sees love as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. There are probably elements of truth in both views — certainly love is influenced by hormones and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love.

Attraction and attachment

The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love — sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to their mother.

Companionate vs. passionate

The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate). Companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love

In the triangular theory of love, love is characterized by three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment. Each of these elements can be present in a relationship, producing the following combinations:

Combinations of intimacy, passion, and commitment
Liking or friendship intimacy    
Infatuation or limerence   passion  
Empty love     commitment
Romantic love intimacy passion  
Companionate love intimacy   commitment
Fatuous love   passion commitment
Consummate love intimacy passion commitment
  1. Liking includes only one of the love components - intimacy. In this case, liking is not used in a trivial sense. Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not intense passion or long-term commitment.
  2. Infatuated love consists solely of passion and is often what is felt as "love at first sight." But without the intimacy and the commitment components of love, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
  3. Empty love consists of the commitment component without intimacy or passion. Sometimes, a stronger love deteriorates into empty love, in which the commitment remains, but the intimacy and passion have died. In cultures in which arranged marriages are common, relationships often begin as empty love.
  4. Romantic love is a combination of intimacy and passion. Romantic lovers are bonded emotionally (as in liking) and physically through passionate arousal.
  5. Companionate love consists of intimacy and commitment. This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship, but a deep affection and commitment remain.
  6. Fatuous love has the passion and the commitment components but not the intimacy component. This type of love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.
  7. Consummate love is the only type of love that includes all three components--intimacy, passion and commitment. Consummate love is the most complete form of love, and it represents the ideal love relationship for which many people strive but which apparently few achieve. Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die" (1987, p.341).

Love styles

Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick developed a theory called Love styles. They identified six basic theories that people use in their interpersonal relationships:

  • Eros — a passionate physical love based on physical appearance
  • Ludus — love is played as a game; love is playful
  • Storge — an affectionate love that slowly develops, based on similarity
  • Pragma — pragmatic love
  • Mania — highly emotional love; unstable; the stereotype of romantic love
  • Agape — selfless altruistic love; spiritual

Furthermore, they found men tend to be more ludic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer.

Phases

Helen Fisher suggests three main phases of love: lust, attraction and attachment. Generally love will start off in the lust phase, strong in passion but weak in the other elements. The primary motivator at this stage is the basic sexual instinct. Appearance, smells and other similar factors play a decisive role in screening potential mates. However, as time passes, the other elements may grow and passion may shrink — this depends upon the individual. So what starts as Infatuation or Empty love may well develop into one of the fuller types of love. At the attraction stage the person concentrates their affection on a single mate and fidelity becomes important.

Likewise when a person has known a loved one for a long time, they develop a deeper attachment to their partner. According to current scientific understanding of love, this transition from attraction to attachment phase usually happens in about 30 months. After that time, the passion fades, changing love from Consummate to Companionate, or from Romantic love to Liking.

Love vs. Insanity?

Studies have shown that mental scans of those in love show a striking resemblance to those with a mental illness. Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. New love, therefore, could more possibly be physical than emotional.

Over time, this reaction to love mellows, and different areas of the brain are activated, primarily ones involving long-term commitments.

Dr. Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist, suggests that this reaction to love is so similar to that of drugs because without love, humanity would die out.

Cultural views

Chinese

The Chinese philosopher Mozi developed ai (爱) in reaction to Confucian lian (恋). Ai is universal love towards all beings, not just towards friends or family, without regard to reciprocation. Extravagance and offensive war are inimical to ai. Although Mozi was influential, the Confucian lian is how most modern Chinese conceive of love.

Gănqng (感情), the feeling of a relationship. A person will express love by building good gănqng, accomplished through helping or working for another. Emotional attachment toward another person or anything.

In Confucianism, lian is a virtuous benevolent love. lian should be pursued by all human beings, and reflects a moral life.

Yuanfen (缘份), a connection of bound destinies. A meaningful relationship is dependent on there being strong yuanfen.

Japanese

In Japanese Buddhism, ai (愛) is passionate caring love, and a fundamental desire. It can develop towards either selfishness or selflessness and enlightenment.

Amae (甘え), a Japanese word meaning "indulgent dependence" is part of the child rearing culture of Japan. Japanese mothers are expected to hug and indulge their children, and children are expected to reward their mothers by clinging and serving. Sociologists have suggested that Japanese social interactions in later life are modelled on the mother-child amae.

Ancient Greek

Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word love is used. For example, ancient Greek has the words philia, eros, agape, storge and xenia. However, with Greek as with many other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. At the same time the ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo being used with the same meaning as phileo.

Agape (Template:Polytonic agápē) means love in modern day Greek. The term S'Agapo means 'I love you' in Greek. The word Agapo is the verb stem, 'I love'. It generally refers to a "pure", ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros.

Eros (Template:Polytonic érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word 'erota' means 'in love'

Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros.

The conception of Philia (Template:Polytonic philía), a dispassionate virtuous love, was developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship.

Storge (Template:Polytonic storgē) is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

In ancient Greece, the concept of xenia was extremely important. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and their guest, who could previously be strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was only expected to repay with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology, in particular Homer's Iliad and Odyssey.

Religious views

Christian

Christians believe that love to God and to other people (God's creation, as they see it) are the two most important things in life (the greatest commandment of God, according to Jesus. See The Gospel of Mark chapter 12, verses 28-34). Saint Augustine summarised this when he wrote "Love God, and do as thou wilt". Paul glorified love as the most important virtue of all in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. Christians also believe that God felt so much love for man that he sacrificed his son for them. Many Christian theologians see God as the source of love, which is mirrored in humans and their relationships.

In the New Testament, Agapē, is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is fatherly love seen as creating goodness in the world, and is reciprocal between believers and God.

Also used in the New Testament, Phileo is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as "brotherly love."

Nomos is devotion to God, and the subjugation of the will before Him and His divine law.

Buddhist

In Buddhism, Kāma is sensous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is selfish.

Karuṇā is compassion and mercy which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom, and is necessary for enlightenment.

Adveṣa and maitrī are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from the ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex, which rarely occur without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others' welfare.

Hindu

In kāma is pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god Kama. For many Hindu schools it is the third end in life (artha).

In contrast to kāma, prema or prem refers to elevated love.

Karuṇā is compassion and mercy which reduces the suffering of others.

Bhakti is a Sanskrit term from Hinduism meaning loving devotion to the supreme God. A person who practices bhakti is called bhakta. Hindu writers, theologians and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of devotion that they call bhakti e.g. in the Bhagavatha-Purana and according to Tulsidas. The booklet Narada bhakti sutra written by an unknown author distinguishes eleven forms.

Islamic

In a sense, love does encompass the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood which applies to all who holds the faith. There is no direct references stating that God is love, but amongst the 99 names of God, there is the name Al-Wadud or "the Loving One," which is found in Surah 11:90 as well as Surah 85:14. It refers Allah as being "full of loving kindness." In Islam, love is more often than not used as an incentive for the sinners to aspire to be as worthy for a God's love as they may. One still has God's love, but how the person evaluate's his own worth is to his own and Allah's own counsel. All who holds the faith has Allah's love, but to what degree or effort has he pleased God depends on the individual itself. -rechecking recommended for further accuracy-

Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism, Sufis believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God "looks" at itself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly.

Jewish

In Hebrew Ahava is the most commonly-used term for both interpersonal love and love of God. Other related but dissimular terms are Chen (grace) and Hesed, which basically combines the meaning of "affection" and "compassion" and is sometimes rendered in English as "loving-kindness".

Judaism employs a wide definition of love, both between people and between man and the Deity. As for the former, the Torah states: "Love your neighbor like yourself" (Leviticus 19:18). As for the latter, one is commanded to love God "with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your possessions" (Deuteronomy 6:5), taken by the Mishnah (a central text of the Jewish oral law) to refer to good deeds, willingness to sacrifice one's life rather than commit certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all one's possessions and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity (tractate Berachoth 9:5). Rabbinic literature differs how this love can be developed, e.g. by contemplating Divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature.

As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: "See life with the wife you love" (Ecclesiastes 9:9). The Biblical book Song of Songs is a considered a romantically-phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading reads like a love song.

The 20th century Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point-of-view as "giving without expecting to take" (from his Michtav me-Eliyahu, vol. 1). Romantic love per se has few echoes in Jewish literature, although the Medieval Rabbi Judah Halevi wrote romantic poetry in Arabic in his younger years (he appears to have regretted this later).

Mythological

Different cultures have deified love, typically in both male and female form. Here is a list of the gods and goddesses of love in different mythologies.

See also

Human love

Other types of love (philias)

Wiktionary

References

  • R. J. Sternberg. A triangular theory of love. 1986. Psychological Review, 93, 119–135
  • R. J. Sternberg. Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation of theories. 1987. Psychological Bulletin, 102, 331–345
  • Dorothy Tennov. Love and Limerence: the Experience of Being in Love. New York: Stein and Day, 1979. ISBN 0812861345
  • Helen Fisher. Why We Love: the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
  • Wood, Wood and Boyd. The World of Psychology. 5th edition. 2005. Pearson Education, 402–403

External links

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