Attachment parenting
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Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician Dr. William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, also known as a secure attachment, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood.
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Eight ideals of Attachment Parenting
Attachment parenting, or AP, attempts to form this secure bond by promoting eight "ideals," which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight ideals are:
- Preparation for Childbirth
- Emotional Responsiveness
- Breastfeed your Baby
- Baby Wearing
- Shared sleep and Safe Sleeping Guidelines
- Avoid frequent and prolonged separations from your baby
- Positive Discipline
- Maintain balance in your family life
These values are interpreted in a variety of ways across the movement. Many adherents of attachment parents also choose to participate in natural childbirth, home birth, midwifery, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, the anti-vaccination movement, natural health, and proponents of organic food.
However, AP does not require a parent strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs.
Similar practices are called natural parenting, instinctive parenting, immersion parenting or continuum parenting.
Criticisms of attachment parenting
There are a number of criticisms of attachment parenting, some are related to the practicalities of applying these ideals in our modern society and others are related to childhood development issues.
One of the primary criticisms is that the recommendations of attachment parenting are not adequately validated by scientific study.
Another criticism is that the ideals of attachment parenting can be very strenuous and demanding on parents. Parents may be unwilling or unable to meet these demanding goals. It can be argued that attachment parenting is even harmful for the parent because they put so much energy into building attachments with their children that they do not have time to develop mature and healthy adult relationships.
Another criticism is that it is perceived as impractical for households where both of the parents work outside of the home. Additional concern is that for some families it could potentially become a source of conflict if one of the parents is outside of the home while the other is busy making these attachments. The worry seems to be that there is the potential for unbalanced parental relationships with the child.
Some critics argue that attachment parenting does not set appropriate boundaries for children. This leads, according to these critics, to a child not understanding natural limitations. Critics also contend that it is reverses normal roles where the children learn that by exhibiting a need they can control their parents rather than being controlled by the parents.
Critics also feel that attachment parenting has the potential to delay a child’s development by not requiring the child to learn various skills necessary in life because a parent is always present to meet the child's needs for them.
Response to criticisms
Attachment parenting proponents hold that many mainstream parenting practices are based on cultural preferences rather than sound research, for example, spanking and the Cry-It-Out sleep training method also known as Ferberizing.
Attachment parenting is not about developing bonds with children to the exclusion of adult relationships, and like any parenting method, can be misinterpreted or taken to an extreme. Most AP families recognize the need for a strong relationship between the two parents, and seek to balance the needs of the couple with those of the children. In every parenting style, one can find imbalance as parents work to find their unique family equilibrium. But in an AP family, parents are likely to be very sensitive to such imbalance and its effects on the various family members.
The most prominent attachment parenting organizations, Attachment Parenting International, holds that maintaining balance within the family is one of the primary ideals of AP practice. [1] (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/) Regardless of whether both parents work or not, attachment parenting can have a positive effect on the family. In homes where time with the children is at a premium, the calming effect of the security and stability felt by children who have their age appropriate needs met instead of denied makes the hours the family shares more pleasant and enjoyable.
A couple must reach agreement on parenting when one stays home with the children no matter what their style, and when the working partner is home, AP families find that attachment parenting maximizes the bonding benefit of their interactions. All parents have experienced being either the "in" parent or the "out" parent as their children go through different developmental stages, this is appropriate. For example, at one age a child may not want to go to daddy at all, at another age the same child insists daddy is the only one who will do to kiss a booboo.
Attachment parents seek to understand the biological needs as well as psychological needs of the children, and to avoid unrealistic expectations of child behavior. In setting boundaries and limits that are appropriate to the age of the child, attachment parenting takes into account the physical and psychological stage of development the child is currently experiencing. In this way, parents seek to avoid the frustration that occurs when they expect things their child is not capable of.
Many non-AP methods seek to impose behavioral expectations on children that are traditionally very demanding. This may well be the source of the critics who worry that AP lacks in boundaries. In addition to very high expectations, there is a pervasive belief in many modern cultures that children are manipulative from day one. Attachment parenting acknowledges that they certainly do learn to take advantage of inconsistencies parents may exhibit, but Dr.William Sears advises that while still an infant, the child is mentally incapable of manipulation. Sears says that in the first year of life, a child's needs and wants are one and the same. (askdrsears.com for more info on discipline).
Unmet needs are believed by Dr. Sears and other AP proponents to surface later on in further attempts to fulfill that which was left unmet previously. AP looks to child development as well as infant and child biology to determine the psychologically and biologically appropriate response to needs at different stages. Attachment parenting does not mean meeting a need that a child can fulfill itself. It means understanding what the needs are, when they arise, how they change over time and circumstances, and being flexible in devising ways to respond appropriately.
External links
- http://www.attachmentparenting.org/info.shtml
- http://www.askdrsears.com/
- http://www.naturalchild.org/home/
- http://www.geocities.com/gagenmaddiesma/
- http://www.kellymom.com/index.html
- Attachment Parenting Blog (http://www.apparenting.com/)
Relevant publications
- Attachment Parenting, Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child, Katie Allison Granju (ISBN 067102762X)